There are things in life that happen, and leave you a permanently different person.
Losing your loved ones, for the rest of your life, abruptly, is probably one of these things.
I lost my dear nephew last February.
Sometimes it is still hard to believe that it really happened. It was like one big painful blow on your head in one sunny Saturday morning. It's still difficult to talk about it, even now. That is why it took some time to finally write this.
I remember I told my closest circle that I have never felt that sad in my life before. It was one painful, difficult confession. Yet, it also reminded me how Allah has been so kind to give me such a blessed, joyful, full-of-smile-and-laughter life by far.
Since then, several things have changed.
I cry a little more easily. Including in public. Mostly on the trains while commuting.
(Fyi, among my SabangMerauke's Tim Perumus, I was known as the least-likely-to-cry, cold-hearted one. So, probably things will also change now. :p )
I call my mum everyday. Literally everyday. I am surprised that I can do such thing, and now feel very grateful for the new habit.
I have more to say in my prayers. That my dear nephew will be the reason for all in the family to reunite someday, in His promised place for the believers.
I run regularly. A good friend told me, several days prior to my nephew's sudden departure, she got a fortune cookie which said: "The best cure for grief is motion." So, I chose my motion, literally, in running.
I promise myself to pray on time, as encouraged by one of my aunties. One day, I declared to my office mate, that I shall be the first person in the room to get up and pray when the Azan is heard. (yeah, I am that ambitious and competitive) Now I made this declaration internationally-digitally-public by posting this on the blog, in English. Oh, and ps, I often use the joke "almost liberal" to remind the office mates, or myself, when we almost missed the prayer time. For liberals out there, please do not get offended with this joke, because I know exactly what I am doing, haha.
I promise myself to tell and show those-who-deserve, that they mean so much to me. It is not an easy thing for me. But I will keep remind myself that this is an utterly important thing.
In regard to the situation, I want to thank everyone for every support and condolences conveyed to our family during the difficult time. (ini kalimat rada kaga nyambung dan kurang berkoherensi dengan paragraf lainnya sih, tapi biarin deh)
I learned that day, that what another good friend of mine told me was right: nothing in this life lasts forever. (She knows what she says, I think, for she's a doctor who deals with losing and grieving families almost everyday in her life.)
I also learned that life is too short not to prioritise the things that really deserve it.
And finally, I learned, and I'm still learning that every single thing belongs only to Allah. And that, reminds me that I have less burden to worry about.
Bismillah, dan mohon doanya ya...